Friday, July 1, 2011

Bittersweet Love Part 24


after the long talk i had with my parents, especially my dad, i realized even more ina Lujain has to be my wife. i went upstairs and decided to relax. relaxing turned into a nap.. i woke up to my phone rining...

i looked at the screen: Lujain. it was 7:30. im sure my mom called.

me in my sleepy voice: halla bil kha6eebaa

her: hiiiiiiii

me: mine mine mine mine minnnnnneeeee

she couldnt stop laughing. i loved her laugh. it was so cute and innocent. after a long talk filled with laughter and giggles from both me and her, she had to go over to Jawa's. It was time for me to go to the duwaniya and tell my close friends about what happened. our little agreement of keeping this private is broken. we both cant wait to tell the world. 3ayal shloun law t9eer murty? akh bas.

anyway i got up and went to the duwaniya. eli ga3id yil3ab sony, weli ga3id yel3ab kout weli ga3id idakhen efaker ib 7abeebta.. ehhehe ilmohim, dashait oo salamt 3alaihom.

"ilsalam 3alaikom!"

them: w3alaikom ilsalaam!

me: shabab 3indi likom khabar 7ilo!

them: "haaa gool" "basherna bel khair" "halaaa?"

me: khi6abt!

them: haaaaaaaaa bu waleeeeeedddd!!!! 3al barakaaaaa!

they all got up and hugged me chena fayzeen kora! everyone was so happy for me. bas il7ilo ma7ad fe ligafaa 3an mino oo wain a3arefha. they'll know with time. ilmohim, misakt Jassom my best friend oo giltla bilthab6 mino oo giltla awareeh lama inroo7 iljam3a. he was so happy for me.

me and Lujain didnt speak through bbm that much because i knew she was busy with Jawa oo ahalha, so i waited for her to talk to me...

(sorry short post guys im really tired, much love x)

Bittersweet Love Part 23

the ride back was quiet, beyonce's 1+1 was playing and all i could think of was Khaled, my Khaled.

"if i ain't got nothing i got you, if i ain't got something i don't give a damn cause i got it with you, i don't know much about algebra but i know 1+1 equals two. and its me and you thats all well have when the world is through."

Why is everything so complicated? Is this a sign from God that nothing should happen between us? I got home with a million thoughts racing back and forth. No one was home which was perfect, i looked like crap, i wanted to take a shower and study until it was time for 9alat ilmaghreb and wait for his call.

I looked at the clock, it was 2:00.. i went downstairs for lunch, i was in an okay mood, ma chena 9ar shay ilyoum. I excused myself to continue studying. I went upstairs and checked my phone, i had a bbm from Khaled.

him: studying?

me: yeah sorry for the late reply.

him: np:*

me: why whats up?

him: mako, i just wanted to check up on 7abeebtii

me: aww thats so cute:* i love you

him: i love you more

me: inzain im going to go back to studying now, i'll talk to you once im done.

him: good luck:*!

me: study khaled okay?

him: lat7ateen:*

me: :*

i studied from 2:45- 6 non stop then got ready for Jawa's family gathering.

I wore a short red dress with gold wedges and a clutch. I looked casual, and thats exactly what i had to look like. I let my hair fall loosely with my defined curls framing my face. I put on some bronzer, eye liner, mascara, and clear lipgloss. I then wore some simple jewelry and headed downstairs.

I sat on the sofa waiting for the rest of the family to finish up while i watched tv. athan, so gimt 9alait in the guest room, already kint mitwathya. i was waiting for the phone call now..

athan was 6:50... 9arat 7.. my parents came down, we were just waiting for the rest..

the phone rang..

my mom answered it (thank God)

her: aloo?

wa3alaikom ilsalam

ya hala, halla feech... halla ahalin..

il7imdilah ib khair


hahhhahahha eee binty


mino wildich?

wini3im feeh

ee? laa? 9ij? *she had a big smile on her face*

Ghanima? ana kint wiyach bil thanaweeya 9a7?

hahhahha eee tithakartich! wallah ilkuwait sgheeeraa



inzain khalas bas lazim ashawer ubooha waridlich khabar..

he kaho ilraqam 3indy..

khalas 9ar

inshoofich 3ala khair inshallah

ma3a ilsalamaaa

*then she closed the phone and walked over and sat between me and my dad..*

her: 6alal, Lujain...

both of us: halla

her: Lujain tadreen mino kalamt ana tawne?

me: ee adre

her: 9ij?

dad: inzain shraykom tgooloonly shay ya3ni?

mom: 6alal tathker Ghanima Al Flani? waladha yaby Lujain, wiyaha bil jam3a oo 3ala kalamha maet feeha..

dad: lajooooon hahahha 9ar 3indich mu3jabeeeeeeen?

me: *my face turned red.. really red* ee...

dad: mino ubooh?

her: isma Khaled Al Flani

dad: ubohh Flan Al Flani?

her: ee t3arfa?

dad: ee khoush nas, kila eyeena ilsharika ikoon 3inda meeting aw shaghla chithee. 9ij khoush nas welkil yimda7 feeh.

her: 9ij?

dad: ee wallah...

her: nitwakal?

dad: ee ana min rayi nitwakal 3ala allah oo digay 3alaiha bacher gooleelha eyoon. bas shrayich Lujain? tabeena? hatha qararich were here to guide you bas.

me: ha? umm.. ee yuba rathya feeh oo abeeh

mom: hahahhha 3ayyyyyaaaaaraaaaa t3arfeeena haaa?

me: hehehhhe yumaaaaaa

mom: * got up and hugged me tight* binty a3arfich! a7ibich!

me: mama a7ibich akthar!

dad: lajoon ta3alay shwaya

me: i went over to him and sat right on his lap

dad: shoofay, intay my baby. im always here for you 7abeebti. ayshay mthaygich tgooleenli ok? ligaytay your prince bas tara haaaa? i'll always be your king.

me: akeed baba i love you so much! *i gave him a big hug and kissed his cheek*
bas 6alabtkom..

dad: amray?


mom and dad: hahahhha inshallah 7abeebtii, akeed!

So Khaled IS really sure he wants this? Akeed he is, he told his mom to call and she did. Khalas no backing out.

I excused myself and went upstairs to call Khaled 3ala ma the kids finish up.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

message from me :)

hello my wonderful followers..

i hope you're enjoying the story! please feel free to comment/contact me with any suggestions on anything! i'm open for anything! this blog is for you to read and enjoy and i want it to be something good!

please tell your friends too!

take care my loves x

till next time, a.

Bittersweet Love Part 22


Me: Lujain?

she turned her head and looked at me and left her hair alone. she was playing with her curly hair. she always does that. always doing something, this time it was playing with her beautiful hair. i looked at her

her: halla?

me: sh3indich ilyoum?

her: i was going to study 3indy midterm 3ugub bacher

me: inzain lets both ditch studying and do something together all day?

her: like what?

me: lets go swimming

her: haw wain?

me: shalaihna

her: umm.. no khaled..

i knew i wasnt supposed to say that, ilashkal eli iroo7oon shalaihat waskheen when they do that, bas i want to spend the day with her actually doing something and having fun...

me: Lujain i know what your thinking

her: yeah exactly, mala da3y...

me: sorry.. bas dont think of it that way, i just wanted us to do something fun...

her: mm madree, khal enkhalis min hal suwalif khaled oo ba3dain i9eer khair...

me: okaay..

we had a long talk about our midterms and what we wanted to do that week. we didnt bring up anything about "mawthoo3na" which was a relief but i knew i had to do something about it.. now.

her: inzain ana lazim amshy al7een la2ana i need to study oo belail lazim inroo7 bait Jawa her family imsawyeen 3asha oo 3azmeena..

him: yalla ok i'll drop you to your car..

she got up and i held her hand and lead the way to the door.. what was weird was that she held my hand really tight as if i was letting go and she didnt want me to.

we got to her car, she put on her sunglasses, threw her stuff in the passenger seat and got in.. i held the door open and told her to take care, and right then and there, i saw a single tear escape her eyes and appear under her sunglasses.

while i was wiping away her tear: lujain shfeech? tell me..

her: your not going to do anything right?

me: lujain i told you i am..

her: thats what you said last time.

me: last time was different. lujain i told you abe atzawejich. i want to get married to you, as soon as possible ba3ad.

her: bas khaled lay mita oo hal cold feet? khaled lama agoolik i dont know what were doing i mean it. tara ana 7aly min 7alek. the only difference is that inta rayal oo ana bint. bas were both as clueless as each other and its obvious we have no idea what were doing. we need our parents khaled and you doing this isnt helping.

me: lajoonty, please fihmeeny. please rakzay wiyay (i held both of her hands and got at her eye level and really close to have her undivided attention) im going home now, not to study, no. im going home now to sit with my mom and dad and talk to them about this. then once e2athen win9ali, im going to sit at the phone and get my mom, shes going to dial your house number and talk to your mother. fahma?

i was dead serious, no more cold feet. ana abchy lujain? abacheeha of something im sure i want but im totally clueless about? she was right, we just need to be guided by our parents oo adree mara7 ega9roon.

her: okay khaled.

me: i love you, you know that?

her: i love you too khaled, wallah i love you too..

we both smiled and i kissed her hand then shut the door to her car. I headed to my car and stayed put until Lujain moved. it took her awhile, i could see her fixing her face after all the crying. as soon as she got out of the parking lot, i followed and lost her somewhere between the cars.

i got home and found my mom drinking her coffee and watching the news with 3 newspapers stacked up next to her on the couch.

me: 9abaa7 ilkhair ya aghla um (as i proceeded to kiss her forehead)

her: haa.. 9aba7 ilnoor! wain kint inta?

me: mako wa7id min ilshabab kan yaby shaghla fa ri7tla..

her: eee.. shlounik?

me: wallah zain il7imdilah, intay shlonich?

her: zainaa, bas madre shfeeni ta3bana bas abe anam..

me: ee shwarach yuma, namay irta7ay hahha

her: la wallah? oo mino bimshy ilbait?

me: ee 9a7.. ya7ilwich yuma..

her: hehhe

after a long silence...

me: yuma abe ag3ad wiyach intay oo ubouy bas yig3ad ok?

her: ee afa 3alaik. laish feek shay?

me: hhehhhe la2 yuma mafeeni ila il3afya bas fe mawthoo3 abe akhith raykom feeh...

her: ee inshallah.. roo7 badel oo rayi7, ubouuk akeed byeg3ad ba3ad shwaya may7ib inam wayed..

me: inshallah..

Bittersweet Love Part 21


me: khaled shfeek?

him: mafeeni shay

me: latchaithib 3alay

him: mu ga3id achathib

me: ok, i could sit here all day until u tell me shfeek.

he didnt say a word. we sat there for what seemed like half an hour just staring at the cars passing by. blue ones, white ones, red ones, black ones. with each car that passes by, i could feel my heart beating so hard that it would stop at any moment. i couldn't take it anymore, so i just blurted it all out

me: if you didnt want to get married, you didnt have to propose.

he didnt say a word..

me: if you didnt want to be my husband khaled, then you didnt have to tell me you wanted me to be your wife.

he didnt even look at me.

me: khaled, itha matabeeni laish tabe takh6ibny?

he didnt move an inch, but his breathing got heavier.

me: khaled


i froze.

he got up and pulled a chair and sat right next to me. he took my hand in his and looked deep into my eyes as he said:

Lujain wallah abeech. wras umi oo ubouy abeech. abeech. tadreen shino ya3ni ana oo agoom wana a7lem ib 7ayatna ma3a ba3ath? tadreen shino ya3ni abee atzawijich? tadreen shino ya3ni lama agooolich abeech t9eereen um 3yaly? i mean every single thing i say bas yakhy 7aram i get cold feet? 7aram akhaf? 7aram atwatar? lazim kilshay asawee akoon 100% mit2aked oo i dont hav my doubts?

he stopped to take a breath, the second he stopped i started:

khaled, mu 3aib enik tkhaf. bas inta tabe titzawaj. ilzawaj mu rainbows oo butterflies oo its not perfect. its not easy. its not beautiful unless you make it beautiful. mas2ooleeya. ahaly oo ahalik are getting married, not just me and you. expectations rise and our families are going to want to know everything that goes on. so when you say enek mu 100% mit2aked u want this, think again before having your mom call me mom. Khaled im only 18, fe alf wa7id ra7 eeyeeni, maby at3alag chithe. you either want me or you dont. inta dash ib hal mawthoo3 lazim itkoon mit2aked ina this is what you want.

i pulled my hand away from his and looked out the window. i didnt want to cry, but i was broken inside. khaled held my hand again and said:

lujain ana shgilt? abeech.

me: tabeeni fa tsawee feeni chithee oo mu mit2aked?

him: ee abeech. oo mit2aked min hal shay/

me: bas you just said...

he cut me off and said: khalas al7een ti2akadt ina abeech lujain. after everything you said, na7ashtay those feelings of doubt. i dont doubt us anymore. lujain i know our families are the ones getting married not just me and you, i know that were still young, and believe me i know that there are a million guys that wish to be around you. Lujain ana al7een masek eed jawhara and im not willing to let go.

i jokingly said: mit2aked?

he gave me his million dollar smile and said: ee mit2aked.

me: ok

him: bas ok?

me: ee bas ok..

him: ok.

me: shtaby?

him: siktay

me: ok.

him: ok.

he got up and sat in front of me again, i sipped on my coffee and continued staring out the window but he continued staring at me.

Bittersweet Love Part 20


After calling Lujain a million times, I decided to stop and walk away from my phone. I needed to be alone. I needed to be away from everyone and everything that would remind me of her. I just needed to think if this is what I want. I don’t want to sound like a baby, but this is a HUGE step that I’m about to take. Being a Kuwaiti man, this is a huge responsibility and I can’t change mind whenever I wanted to. (no matter how ironic that is, I kind of am doing that)

An hour passed with my unstable emotions taking the best out of me. I’m not an emotional person, but what was happening to me?

Ilmohim, shift mobiley wela Lujain daga 3alay alf mara oo ma radait. Qarart eni adezlaha msg, shes asleep for sure.


me: Hey Lujain, lat7ateen im ok. call me once you wake up, banam shwaya.

right then & there she read my bbm, but she didnt answer me. I didnt want to call her or send her a msg, i know she felt something was wrong. 

I drifted off to sleep with a heavy heart for what seemed like 4 or 5 hours until my phone rang, it was Lujain. 

I answered my phone in my sleepy voice: aloo?

Lujain: meet me in starbucks palms in an hour, we need to talk.

me: ha? shfeech?

her: khaled just be there, can you do that? ok?

me: ok..

& she just closed the phone without a goodbye.

I got up and ninja-ed my way through my shower and got into my grey A&F training pants and a white t-shirt. I was so tired and i felt like shit knowing that I've pissed Lujain off. I got there in exactly one hour since she called me. I walked in and found her waiting in her car for me. I called her to tell her i was here. I went to her car and opened the door for her and wanted to give her a hug. she just looked at me and said:

her: 9aba7 ilkhair..

me with a weak smile: 9aba7 ilnoor

her: ha dashaina?

me: after you..

She looked stunning. She was wearing a long beach dress and her hair was wavy just the way i like it. I walked one step behind her,i wanted to show her the most respect possible. 

We walked in and i asked her for her order, she said she was going to go get us couches to sit on. 

We sat next to the window and sipped our drinks until...

Friday, June 24, 2011

Bittersweet Love Part 19


I was studying all day long and totally forgot to call Khaled to see what he's been up to. I tend to be like that around midterms and finals. I called him a few times but he never answered. He was probably studying too. I went back to studying, it was about 4:45. I promised I'd stop lama e2athen ilmaghreb oo ina aroo7 ag3ad wiya umi shwaya.. I miss her.

After an hour or so, sima3t ilathan so ni6arta ikhales 3ashan a9aly oo anzel ag3ad wiya umi.

My mom wasn't in the living room, i knew that she just went to pray and come back. I poured myself some green tea, cut myself a piece of cake and watched never ending commercials until my mother came into the living room.

Mom: haa khalastay dirasa?

me: ee il7imdilah

mom: zain ashwa, ya36eech il3afyaa ya rab

me: hehehe allah e3afeech mama... this cake is good..

mom: ana sawait'ha, i had a lot of free time today..

me: ya rait i get some free time ba3ad, ildirasa shway shway ga3da tithba7ny

mom: yala 3an ildala3, ma buga shay

me: hehee adree, inzain whats good on TV?

mom: ako filim comedy bi7i6oona ba3ad shwaya, lets watch it.

me: okay great!

After 10 minutes the movie started and after 20 minutes we were hooked and ignored everything else around us. I was really tired though and felt like i could fall asleep at any second but i was fighting back the yawns and the watery eyes, i wanted to watch this movie, it was actually funny.


I opened my eyes to find that it was 2 am. My mom left me here to sleep? Why didnt she wake me up? ilthaher istaw3ibat shkither ta3bana. I got up and headed up to my room. The red light was blinking on my blackberry. 31 missed calls- Khaled, Jawa, Lama, Sara. 7 BBMS, Khaled, Jawa, Lama, Sara and the rest were BC's. 3 messages- Khaled & da3ayat.

Ikhtara3t! shfee Khaled?! I called but he didnt answer....

(short post today, i'm really tired)